kircheis

"In a world in chaos," said Nikolai, "the army with the best commander wins."

“在这样混乱的世界中，”尼可莱说，“拥有最好指挥官的军队将取得胜利。”

"If you want to find the kidnapper, look for the country that talks most about peace and conciliation," said Bean, playing with the idea and saying whatever came to mind.

“如果你希望找出绑架犯，就看看哪个国家和平和安抚的口号喊得最响，”豆子说着，玩弄着这个想法说了脑海中闪现的第一个问题。

"You're too cynical," said Nikolai. "Some who talk about peace and conciliation merely want peace and conciliation."

“你太愤世嫉俗了。”尼可莱说，“有些喊着和平口号的人只是因为他们需要和平。”

"You watch -- the nations that offer to arbitrate are the ones that think they should rule the world, and this is just one more move in the game."

“你看着，那些提出公断的国家是那些认为自己掌管世界的国家，正是在游戏中改变最大的国家。”

Father laughed. "Don't read too much into that," he said. "Most of the nations that are always offering to arbitrate are trying to recover lost status, not gain new power. France. America. Japan. They're always meddling just because they used to have the power to back it up and they haven't caught on yet that they don't anymore."

父亲笑了，“别读太多这些东西了。”他说，“大部分国家总是在提供公断而且试着获得失去的地位，不是得到新的力量。法国，美国，日本，他们总是管闲事只是因为他们习惯拥有力量支持他们，而且还没意识到现在他们什么都不是了。”

Bean smiled. "You never know, do you, Papa. The very fact that you dismiss the possibility that they could be the kidnappers makes me regard them as all the more likely candidates."

豆子笑了，“你从来都没明白，爸爸。你所忽略的真正的事实是他们可能是绑架犯，所以我把他们当作下一个候选人。”

Nikolai laughed and agreed.

尼可莱笑着同意了。

"That's the problem with having two Battle School graduates in the house," said Father. "You think because you understand military thinking that you understand political thinking, too."

“问题是有两个战斗学校的毕业生在这个房子里。”父亲说。“你认为因为你了解军队所以你就了解政治吗？”

"It's all maneuver and avoiding battle until you have overwhelming superiority," said Bean.

“二者都是机动以及避免冲击直到你掌握全面优势。”豆子说。

"But it's also about the will to power," said Father. "And even if individuals in America and France and Japan have the will to power, the people don't. Their leaders will never get them moving. You have to look at nations on the make. Aggressive peoples who think they have a grievance, who think they're undervalued. Belligerent, snappish."

“但也是力量的愿望。”父亲说，“而且即使美法日都有获得力量的愿望，但人民不是。他们的领导者永远不能让他们行动。你不得不去看野心勃勃的国家。那些认为自己有冤屈的人民更有侵略性，他们认为自己被低估了，所以好战而且急躁。”

"A whole nation of belligerent, snappish people?" asked Nikolai.

“一个全国好战的国家？急躁的人民？”尼可莱问。

"Sounds like Athens," said Bean.

“听起来有点像雅典。”豆子说。

"A nation that takes that attitude toward other nations," said Father. "Several self-consciously Islamic nations have the character to make such a play, but they'd never kidnap a Christian girl to lead their armies."

“一个对他国采取对立态度的国家。”父亲说，“有一些自由意志的伊斯兰国家有做出这样事情的特征，但他们不会去绑架基督教的女孩去领导军队。”

"They might kidnap her to prevent her own nation from using her," said Nikolai. "Which brings us back to Armenia's neighbors."

“但他们可能为了防止她为自己国家效力而绑架她。”尼可莱说，“会使我们成为亚美尼亚邻国的。”

"It's an interesting puzzle," said Bean, "which we can figure out later, after we get to wherever we're going."

“这倒是个很有趣的难题。”豆子说，“在我们确定我们的状况后能推算出来。”

Father and Nikolai looked at him as if he were crazy. "Going?" asked Father.

父亲和尼可莱面面相觑，“状况？”父亲问。

It was Mother who understood. "They're kidnaping Battle School graduates. Not just that, but a member of Ender's team from the actual battles."

母亲明白了，“他们绑架了战斗学校毕业生，不仅如此，而且是在真正的战役中参加了安德战队的人。”

"And one of the best," said Bean.

“而且是最好的。”豆子补充。

Father was skeptical. "One incident doesn't make a pattern."

父亲很怀疑，“一个偶然不代表着行为模式。”

"Let's not wait to see who's next," said Mother. "I'd rather feel silly later for overreacting than grieve because we dismissed the possibility."

“不要等着看谁是下一个了。”母亲说，“也许我很无聊，而且反应过度总比我们放过了这种可能性而悲伤好。”

"Give it a few days," said Father. "It will all blow over."

“过几天它就会显现出来了。”父亲说。

"We've already given it six hours," said Bean. "If the kidnappers are patient, they won't strike again for months. But if they're impatient, they're already in motion against all their other targets. For all we know, the only reason Nikolai and I aren't in the bag already is because we threw off their plans by going on vacation."

“我们已经给了六小时了。”豆子说，“如果绑架犯有耐心，他们不会停手几个月。而如果他们很着急，那他们早就开始瞄准下一个目标了。就我所知，我和尼可莱逃过了被绑架的唯一原因是我们度假打乱了他们的计划。”

"Or else," said Nikolai, "our being here on this island gives them the perfect opportunity."

“或者，”尼可莱说，“我们在这个岛上给了他们更好的下手机会。”

"Father," said Mother, "why don't you call for some protection?"

“爸爸！”母亲说，“我们为什么不要求一些保护呢？”

Father hesitated.

　　父亲犹豫着。

Bean understood why. The political game was a delicate one, and anything Father did right now could have repercussions throughout his career. "You won't be perceived as asking for special privileges for yourself," said Bean. "Nikolai and I are a precious national resource. I believe the prime minister is on record as saying that several times. Letting Athens know where we are and suggesting they protect us and get us out of here is a good idea."

豆子知道为什么。政治游戏是非常敏感的，而父亲此刻所作的每件事情都可能折射到他的整个事业。“你不会感到是为你自己使用特权的。”豆子说，“尼可莱和我是宝贵的国家资源，我相信总理已经说过多次而且记录在案了。让雅典知道我们在哪儿并且建议他们保护我们离开是一个好主意。”

Father got on the cellphone.

父亲拿起手机。

He got only a System Busy response.

他只得到了系统忙的反应。

"That's it," said Bean. "There's no way the phone system can be too busy here on Ithaca. We need a boat."

“就是这个了。”豆子说，“在伊萨卡岛上系统不可能这么忙。我们需要船。”

"An airplane," said Mother."

“或者飞机。”母亲说。

"A boat," said Nikolai. "And not a rental. They're probably waiting for us to put ourselves in their hands, so there won't be a struggle."

“船。”尼可莱说，“而且不能租。他们大概正等着我们自投罗网呢，所以不会有斗争。”

"Several of the nearby houses have boats," said Father. "But we don't know these people."

“有些附近的房子有船。”父亲说，“但我们不熟悉他们。”

"They know us," said Nikolai. "Especially Bean. We are war heroes, you know."

“他们熟悉我们。”尼可莱说，“特别是豆子，他是战争英雄。”

"But any house around here could be the very one from which they're watching us," said Father. "If they're watching us. We can't trust anybody."

“但是周围的任何房子都可能是正在监视我们的那一座。”父亲说，“如果他们在监视我们，我们无法信任任何人。”

"Let's get in our bathing suits," said Bean, "and walk to the beach and then wander as far as we can before we cut inland and find somebody with a boat."

“让我们穿上游泳衣。”豆子说，“走到海滩上，然后漫步到最远的地方，再切向内陆去找一人借船。”

Since no one had a better plan, they put it into action at once. Within two minutes they were out the door, carrying no wallets or purses, though Father and Mother slipped a few identification papers and credit cards into their suits. Bean and Nikolai laughed and teased each other as usual, and Mother and Father held hands and talked quietly, smiling at their sons . . . as usual. No sign of alarm. Nothing to cause anyone watching to spring into action.

既然没有更好的主意，他们就立即实施这一个了。不到两分钟他们就出门，不带皮夹或者钱包，尽管父亲和母亲在衣服里塞进了一些身份证明和信用卡。豆子和尼可莱就像通常一样互相取笑着，父母拉着手平静的聊天，向孩子们微笑，就像平常一样。没有标记或者警报，没有任何让人开始行动的理由。

They were only about a quarter mile up the beach when they heard an explosion -- loud, as if it were close, and the shockwave made them stumble. Mother fell. Father helped her up as Bean and Nikolai looked back.

他们只在海滩上走了四分之一英里就听见爆炸声。很大，就像近在咫尺，冲击波击中他们。母亲摔倒了，父亲扶她起来，豆子和尼可莱向后望去。

"Maybe it's not our house," said Nikolai.

“也许不是我们的房子。”尼可莱说。

"Let's not go back and check," said Bean.

“我们不要回去检查比较好。”豆子说。

kircheis

Chapter Two – Bean
第二章　豆子

To: Locke espinoza@polnet.gov
致：Locke espinoza@polnet.gov（洛克）
From: Chamrajnagar sacredriver@ifcom.gov
自：Chamrajnagar sacredriver@ifcom.gov（切瑞纳格将军）
Re: Do not write to me again
回复：别再给我写信了！

Mr. Peter Wiggin,
Did you really think I would not have the resources to know who you are? You may be the author of the "Locke Proposal," giving you a reputation as a peacemaker, but you are also partly responsible for the world's present instability by your jingoist use of your sister's identity as Demosthenes. I have no illusions about your motives.

彼得·维京先生：
你真的认为我没有足够的资源去找出你是谁吗？你可能是《洛克提案》的作者，给了你一个和平护卫者的名誉，但是你仍然要部分的为了世界现在的不稳定性负责，因为你使用你姐姐的身份德摩斯梯尼发表了大量沙文主义的文章。我对你的动机没有幻想。

It is outrageous of you to suggest that I jeopardize the neutrality of the International Fleet in order to take control of children who have completed their military service with the IF. If you attempt to manipulate public opinion to force me to do so, I will expose your identity as both Locke and Demosthenes. I have changed my idname and have informed our mutual friend that he is not to attempt to relay communication between you and me again. The only comfort you are entitled to take from my letter is this: The IF will not interfere with those trying to assert hegemony over other nations and peoples -- not even you.

你让我破坏国际舰队的中立性去控制住那些在结束了军队服役的孩子们的建议是不可容忍的。如果你打算用公众舆论来强迫我这么做，我也将揭露你身为洛克和德摩斯梯尼的双重身份。我已经更换了自己的用户名并通知了那个我们共同的朋友，他不会再试图让你我之间保持联系了。你能从我的信中得到的唯一安慰是：国际舰队不会干预任何人去取得凌驾他国的霸权，甚至是你。

Chamrajnagar

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　切瑞纳格

The disappearance of Petra Arkanian from her home in Armenia was worldwide news. The headlines were full of accusations hurled by Armenia against Turkey, Azerbaijan, and every other Turkish-speaking nation, and the stiff or fiery denials and counter-accusations that came in reply. There were the tearful interviews with her mother, the only witness, who was sure the kidnappers were Azerbaijani. "I know the language, I know the accent, and that's who took my little girl!"

佩查·阿卡莉从亚美尼亚家中失踪已经成为世界新闻了，报纸上的标题充满了对亚美尼亚对土耳其、阿塞拜疆或者其他使用土耳其语国家的指控，或坚定或暴躁的谢绝以及反指控充斥了回复信件。她的母亲含着泪接受了采访，作为唯一的证人，非常确定绑匪是阿塞拜疆人。“我知道他们的语言！我听出了口音！是他们带走了我女儿！”

Bean was with his family on the second day of their vacation at the beach on the island of Ithaca, but this was Petra, and he read the nets and watched the vids avidly, along with his brother, Nikolai. They both reached the same conclusion right away. "It wasn't any of the Turkish nations," Nikolai announced to their parents. "That's obvious."

豆子正和全家在伊萨卡岛海滩度假的第二天，但这是佩查，因此他带着兄弟尼可莱一起拼命的从网络和新闻中阅读，他们得出了同样的结论。“肯定不是土耳其国家干的。”尼可莱告诉他们的父母，“这是很明显的。”

Father, who had been working in government for many years, agreed. "Real Turks would have made sure to speak only Russian."

在政府部门工作多年的父亲同意了他的看法，“真正的土耳其人会确保自己只说俄语。”

"Or Armenian," said Nikolai.

“或者亚美尼亚语。”尼可莱说。

"No Turk speaks Armenian," said Mother. She was right, of course, since real Turks would never deign to learn it, and those in Turkish countries who did speak Armenian were, by definition, not really Turks and would never be trusted with a delicate assignment like kidnapping a military genius.

“土耳其人不说亚美尼亚语。”母亲说。她是对的，当然，既然真正的土耳其人根本不会屈尊去学，而那些会去学亚美尼亚语的土耳其国家，准确来说，根本不算真正的土耳其人，也不会被信任指派去做绑架一名军队天才这样微妙的任务。

"So who was it?" said Father. "Agents provocateurs, trying to start a war?"

“那是谁呢？”父亲说，“恐怖分子的代理人？打算掀起战争？”

"My bet is on the Armenian government," said Nikolai. "ut her in charge of their military."

“我赌亚美尼亚政府。”尼可莱说，“打算让她去指控军队。”

"Why kidnap her when they could employ her openly?" asked Father.

“那为什么要在他们公然控制她的情况下再绑架她？”父亲问。

"Taking her out of school openly," said Nikolai, "would be an announcement of Armenia's military intentions. It might provoke preemptive actions by surrounding Turkey or Azerbaijan."

“把她带离学校。”尼可莱说，“将成为对亚美尼亚军队的一种警告，可以引起围绕着土耳其和阿塞拜疆的抢先行动。”

There was superficial plausibility in what Nikolai was saying, but Bean knew better. He had already foreseen this possibility back when all the militarily gifted children were still in space. At that time the main danger had come from the Polemarch, and Bean wrote an anonymous letter to a couple of opinion leaders on Earth, Locke and Demosthenes, urging them to get all the Battle School children back to Earth so they couldn't be seized or killed by the Polemarch's forces in the League War. The warning had worked, but now that the League War was over, too many governments had begun to think and act complacently, as if the world now had peace instead of a fragile ceasefire. Bean's original analysis still held. It was Russia that was behind the Polemarch's coup attempt in the League War, and it was likely to be Russia that was behind the kidnapping of Petra Arkanian.

尼可莱的话表面看来似乎有理，但是豆子知道得更清楚。从他们这些军事天才还在太空没有返回的时候他就已经预见到了这样的可能性。在那个时候，最主要的危险是来自官员的，而豆子给地球上的两名对立意见的领导者，洛克和德摩斯梯尼写了一封信，建议他们掌握所有战斗学校的孩子带他们回地球，这样他们就不会被国家官僚在联盟战争中所控制或谋杀。警告有用了，但现在联盟战争已经结束，太多政府开始考虑并且高兴的执行，假如说世界现在已经用和平代替了易碎的停战，豆子最初的分析就对了。在联盟战争中，是俄国藏在官员们的后面策划，而这次藏在佩查·阿卡莉绑架案后面的似乎也有俄国的影子。

Still, he didn't have any hard evidence of this and knew of no way to get it -- now that he wasn't inside a Fleet installation, he had no access to military computer systems. So he kept his skepticism to himself, and made a joke out of it. "I don't know, Nikolai," he said. "Since staging this kidnapping is having an even more destabilizing effect, I'd have to say that if she was taken by her own government, it proves they really really need her, because it was a deeply dumb thing to do."

他仍然没有任何可靠的证据，甚至没有得到这些证据的方法。现在他不在舰队中就职了，他没有进入军方电脑的入口。所以他保持着自己的怀疑开了个玩笑。“我可不这么想，尼可莱。”他说，“既然安排这次绑架造成了动摇的影响，我敢说如果她是被自己的政府带走了，这就证明他们太需要她了，因为这是他们能做的最哑口无言的事。”

"If they're not dumb," said Father, "who did it?"

“如果他们不是哑口无言，”父亲说，“谁干的？”

"Somebody who's ambitious to fight and win wars and smart enough to know they need a brilliant commander," said Bean. "And either big enough or invisible enough or far enough away from Armenia not to care about the consequences of kidnaping her. In fact, I'll bet that whoever took her would be perfectly delighted if war broke out in the Caucasus."

“一些有野心战斗并且胜利，而且足够聪明而知道他们需要一名出色指挥官的人。”豆子说，“足够强大或者足够隐秘或者离亚美尼亚足够遥远，不会造成他们与绑架案的联系。事实上，我敢打赌如果战争在高加索山脉爆发，那些带走她的人会欣喜若狂的。”

"So you think it's some large and powerful nation close by?" asked Father. Of course, there was only one large and powerful nation close to Armenia.

“所以你认为是更大更强的国家？”父亲说，当然，亚美尼亚附近只有一个强国。

"Could be, but there's no telling," said Bean. "Anybody who needs a commander like Petra wants a world in turmoil. Enough turmoil, and anybody might emerge on top. Plenty of sides to play off against each other." And now that Bean had said it, he began to believe it. Just because Russia was the most aggressive nation before the League War didn't mean that other nations weren't going to get into the game.

“可能是，但是不能说。”豆子说，“任何一个需要佩查这样司令官的人都希望世界混乱，足够的混乱，任何一个人都可以爬到顶端，足够的方面在互相斗争。”现在豆子说出来了，他开始自信，只因为俄国是在联盟战争前最有侵略性的国家并不意味着其他国家不想进入这场游戏。

kircheis

School would not be easy, Petra soon discovered. There were no courses in military history and military strategy. The mathematics was pathetic compared to what she had mastered in Battle School, but with literature and grammar she was downright backward -- her knowledge of Armenian was indeed childish, and while she was fluent in the version of English used in Battle School -- including the slang that the kids used there -- she had little knowledge of the rules of grammar and no understanding at all of the mixed Armenian and English slang that the kids used with each other at school.

佩查很快就发现学校的功课并不容易。那里没有战史课和战略课，数学对于她在战斗学校中掌握得也少得可怜，但是在文学和文法方面她完全的落后了。她的亚美尼亚知识只是属于孩子的，而当她流利的使用在战斗学校学到的英语时——包括那些俚语——她却对语法的知识掌握太少而无法理解那些孩子们在学校使用的混杂着英语和亚美尼亚语的俚语。

Everyone was very nice to her, of course -- the most popular girls immediately took possession of her, and the teachers treated her like a celebrity. Petra allowed herself to be led around and shown everything, and studied the chatter of her new friends very carefully, so she could learn the slang and hear how school English and Armenian were nuanced. She knew that soon enough the popular girls would tire of her -- especially when they realized how bluntly outspoken Petra was, a trait that she had no intention of changing. Petra was quite used to the fact that people who cared about the social hierarchy usually ended up hating her and, if they were wise, fearing her, since pretensions didn't last long in her presence. She would find her real friends over the next few weeks -- if, in fact, there were any here who would value her for what she was. It didn't matter. All the friendships here, all the social concerns seemed so trivial to her. There was nothing at stake here, except each student's own social life and academic future, and what did that matter? Petra's previous schooling had all been conducted in the shadow of war, with the fate of humanity riding on the outcome of her studies and the quality of her skills. Now, what did it matter? She would read Armenian literature because she wanted to learn Armenian, not because she thought it actually mattered what some expatriate like Saroyan thought about the lives of children in a long-lost era of a far-off country.

每个人都对她很好，当然了。学校里社交圈的女孩们立即为她着迷，老师也把她当做名人对待。佩查让自己被带领着去看每件东西，仔细的学习她的新伙伴们使用的语言，所以她可以掌握这些俚语以及学校英语与亚美尼亚语的区别。她知道那些交际花很快就会厌倦她，特别是她们意识到佩查是如何坦率的人之后，这是她不想改变的特性。佩查很习惯于这样的事实：那些关注社会阶层的人总是很快就结束对她的憎恨，如果他们足够聪明的话，转为对她的恐惧，既然她的出现所引起的骄傲不会持续很久，她能够很快的在接下来几个星期找到自己真正的朋友，如果这里真的有能够正确评价她价值人的话。这不是问题，这里所有的友谊，社会关系在她看起来都太简单了，没有任何危险，除了学生们自己的社会生活以及学院的未来没什么问题。佩查原先的学校每一个行为都被战争的阴影所控制，她们的学习和能力掌握着人类的命运及未来。现在，有什么问题？她能够阅读亚美尼亚文学因为她希望掌握，而不是她认为知道萨洛扬这类亡命者的想法对一个生长在遥远的时代以及遥远国家的孩子有用。

The only part of school that she truly loved was physical education. To have sky over her head as she ran, to have the track lie flat before her, to be able to run and run for the sheer joy of it and without a clock ticking out her allotted time for aerobic exercise -- such a luxury. She could not compete, physically, with most of the other girls. It would take time for her body to reconstruct itself for high gravity, for despite the great pains that the IF went to make sure that soldiers' bodies did not deteriorate too much during long months and years in space, nothing trained you for living on a planet's surface except living there. But Petra didn't care that she was one of the last to complete every race, that she couldn't leap even the lowest hurdle. It felt good simply to run freely, and her weakness gave her goals to meet. She would be competitive soon enough. That was one of the aspects of her innate personality that had taken her to Battle School in the first place -- that she had no particular interest in competition because she always started from the assumption that, if it mattered, she would find a way to win.

学校生活中她唯一真正喜欢的是体育，能够在天空下奔跑，让足迹在她面前延展，完全为了快乐而奔跑，没有时钟给她计算有氧运动的时间，这太奢侈了。在体育上，她和其他女孩没有竞争，因为她的身体还需要一定时间重新适应地球的高引力，尽管国际舰队曾经担心她们在太空的低重力环境下生活会给人体带来太多损害，因此没有训练她们在除了这里一个行星的表面上生活，以至于给她造成了巨大的疼痛。但是佩查不在乎她是最后一个完成赛跑的，或者她不能跳过最低的栅栏。只要能够自由的奔跑就足够幸福了，她的虚弱给了她完成的目标。很快她就可以重新投入竞争了，这是她天生的能力也是她进入战斗学校的原因之一——对竞争她没有个人兴趣，因为她总是在承担着任务开始的，如果这成为问题，她就要找到解决方法。

And so she settled in to her new life. Within weeks she was fluent in Armenian and had mastered the local slang. As she had expected, the popular girls dropped her in about the same amount of time, and a few weeks later, the brainy girls had cooled toward her as well. It was among the rebels and misfits that she found her friends, and soon she had a circle of confidants and co-conspirators that she called her "jeesh," her private army. Not that she was the commander or anything, but they were all loyal to each other and amused at the antics of the teachers and the other students, and when a school counselor called her in to tell her that the administration was growing concerned about the fact that Petra seemed to be associating with an anti-social element in school, she knew that she was truly at home in Maralik.

她很快的习惯于新生活了，不用几个星期她就能熟练的说亚美尼亚语，连当地俚语也掌握了。像她预期的那样，那些交际花丢掉了她，而几星期之后，那些聪明的女孩开始和她交往。她在那些叛逆者和不合群的人中找到了朋友，很快有了自己心腹的圈子，她称之为“jeesh”，她的私人军队。并不是说她是掌管或者什么，不过她们都忠实于彼此，并且为了老师和其他同学的行为感到开心。而当学校顾问叫她来，告诉她政府为了她加入一个反社会的小圈子感到担心，她知道她在马拉里克找到家了。

Then one day she came home from school to find the front door locked. She carried no house key -- no one did in their neighborhood because no one locked up, or even, in good weather, closed their doors. She could hear the baby crying inside the house, so instead of making her mother come to the front door to let her in, she walked around back and came into the kitchen to find that her mother was tied to a chair, gagged, her eyes wide and frantic with fear.

之后一天，当她从学校回家时发现前门锁着，她没有带家门钥匙——邻居从来不带因为没人锁门，在好天气里面他们甚至不关门。她能听到婴儿在房里哭，所以不等母亲来给她开门，她自己绕着房子走到后面从厨房进去，发现母亲被绑在椅子里，塞着嘴，她的眼睛狂乱的睁大着。

Before Petra had time to react, a hypostick was slapped against her arm and, without ever seeing who had done it, she slipped into darkness.

在佩查明白过来事态之前，一针药物扎到她的手臂上。还没有看清楚是谁，她就昏倒在黑暗之中。

kircheis

They had about an hour, the four of them -- five, once the baby woke up. Petra shunted aside their questions -- "Oh, everything about me has already been published or broadcast. It's you that I want to hear about" -- and learned that her father was still editing textbooks and supervising translations, and her mother was still the shepherd of the neighborhood, watching out for everyone, bringing food when someone was sick, taking care of children while parents ran errands, and providing lunch for any child who showed up. "I remember once that Mother and I had lunch alone, just the two of us," Stefan joked. "We didn't know what to say, and there was so much food left over."

他们四个人有了大约一个小时时间——他们五个，因为婴儿也醒了。佩查回避了一些问题：“哦，我的事情都已经被新闻界出版或者广播了，所以谈谈你们吧，那才是我想听的。”同时知道了她的父亲仍然在编辑教科书和管理翻译，母亲仍然照顾着邻居，密切注意每一个人，当他们病了的时候送食物过去，为繁忙的家长们照料孩子，而且为露面的孩子提供食物。“我还记得有一次母亲与我共进午餐，只有我们两个。” 斯捷潘笑道，“我们都不知道说什么好，因为剩了太多食物吃不下了。”

"It was already that way when I was little," Petra said. "I remember being so proud of how the other kids loved my mother. And so jealous of the way she loved them!"

“我小时候也曾经发生过。”佩查说，“我记得自己是如此的骄傲，因为那些孩子是这么爱妈妈，我甚至妒嫉她爱他们的方式了！”

"Never as much as I loved my own girl and boy," said Mother. "But I do love children, I admit it, every one of them is precious in the sight of God, every one of them is welcome in my house."

“从不像我爱自己的儿女那样。”母亲回答，“不过我喜欢孩子，我同意这样的观点就是每个人在上帝眼中都是珍贵的，所以每个人都可以在我家得到欢迎。”

"Oh, I've known a few you wouldn't love," said Petra.

“哦，我可认识几个你肯定不会喜欢的。”佩查说。

"Maybe," said Mother, not wishing to argue, but plainly not believing that there could be such a child.

“也许吧。”母亲不想争论所以回答道，不过很明显她不相信世界上有这样的孩子。

The baby gurgled and Mother lifted her shirt to tuck the baby to her breast.

婴儿闹起来了，母亲卷起她的衣服给他喂奶。

"Did I slurp so noisily?" asked Petra.

“我是不是有点吵？”佩查问。

"Not really," said Mother.

“没有。”母亲说。

"Oh, tell the truth," said Father. "She woke the neighbors."

“哦，说实话，”父亲说，“她把邻居都吵醒了。”

"So I was a glutton."

“所以我吃得太多了。”

"No, merely a barbarian," said Father. "No table manners."

“不，只不过是有点粗鲁。”父亲说，“缺乏餐桌礼仪。”

Petra decided to ask the delicate question boldly and have done with it. "The baby was born only a month after the population restrictions were lifted."

佩查试图大胆的问出那个敏感的问题，而她也的确问了。“那个婴儿是在人口限制刚刚撤销后出生的。”

Father and Mother looked at each other, Mother with a beatific expression, Father with a wince. "Yes, well, we missed you. We wanted another little girl."

父母相互望着，母亲有一种幸福的表情，父亲则有些退缩，“是的，我们想你，所以想再要一个女孩。”

"You would have lost your job," said Petra.

“你会丢了饭碗的！”佩查说。

"Not right away," said Father.

“没那么快。”父亲说。

"Armenian officials have always been a little slow about enforcing those laws," said Mother.

“亚美尼亚官员在执行法律的时候总是挺慢。”母亲说。

"But eventually, you could have lost everything."

“但是最后你们会失去世界！”

"No," said Mother. "When you left, we lost half of everything. Children are everything. The rest is . . . nothing."

“不。”母亲说，“当你离开的时候，我们已经失去了半个世界。孩子就是一切，其余的……什么都不是。”

Stefan laughed. "Except when I'm hungry. Food is something!"

斯捷潘笑了，“除了我饿了的时候，食物还是有点意义的。”

"You're always hungry," said Father.

“你总是饿的。”父亲说。

"Food is always something," said Stefan.

“所以食物总是有意义的。”斯捷潘说。

They laughed, but Petra could see that Stefan had had no illusions about what the birth of this child would have meant. "It's a good thing we won the war."

他们都笑了，但是佩查能够看出斯捷潘对于婴儿的出生没抱幻想。“我们赢了战争总是件好事。”

"Better than losing it," said Stefan.

“是啊，总比输了好。”斯捷潘说。

"It's nice to have the baby and obey the law, too," said Mother.

“是啊，婴儿不是非法的了，真好。”母亲说。

"But you didn't get your little girl."

“但你没有找回你的小女孩。”

"No," said Father. "We got our David."

“没有，”父亲说，“但我们有了大卫。”

"We didn't need a little girl after all," said Mother. "We got you back."

“我们也不需要一个小女孩了。”母亲说，“你回来了。”

Not really, thought Petra. And not for long. Four years, maybe fewer, and I'll be off to university. And you won't miss me by then, because you'll know that I'm not the little girl you love, just this bloody-handed veteran of a nasty military school that turned out to have real battles to fight.

并非如此，佩查想到，而且也不是永远。四年，或者更短，我就该去上大学了。你们不会再想念我的，因为你们也会知道我不是那个你们爱着的小女孩了，只是一个满手血腥，从肮脏的军事学院中制造出来参加战争的老兵。

After the first hour, neighbors and cousins and friends from Father's work began dropping by, and it was not until after midnight that Father had to announce that tomorrow was not a national holiday and he needed to have some sleep before work. It took yet another hour to shoo everyone out of the house, and by then all Petra wanted was to curl up in bed and hide from the world for at least a week.

在最初的一个小时后，邻居，亲戚和父亲的同事们开始访问了，直到午夜父亲才意识到明天并不是假日，他们还需要在工作前休息一下。把所有人都赶回家又用了一个小时，在这之后，佩查只想钻进被窝而且至少在公众面前藏起来一个星期。

But by the end of the next day, she knew she had to get out of the house. She didn't fit into the routines. Mother loved her, yes, but her life centered around the baby and the neighborhood, and while she kept trying to engage Petra in conversation, Petra could see that she was a distraction, that it would be a relief for Mother when Petra went to school during the day as Stefan did, returning only at the scheduled time. Petra understood, and that night announced that she wanted to register for school and begin class the next day.

　　但是到第二天晚上，她知道她必须离开房子了。她并不适合日常生活。母亲爱她，是的，但是她的生活中心围绕着婴儿和邻居转，当她试图和佩查交谈时，佩查发现她只是在分心。如果能把佩查送到学校，像斯捷潘一样按照时间表上下学母亲会放松的多。佩查明白了，而那个晚上她告诉大家她想去学校注册并且在第二天开始上课。

"Actually," said Father, "the people from the IF said that you could probably go right on to university."

“实际上，”父亲说，“国际舰队的那些人说你可以直接进大学。”

"I'm fourteen," said Petra. "And there are serious gaps in my education."

“我才十四。”佩查说，“我的教育体系中有可怕的裂缝。”

"She never even heard of Dog," said Stefan.

“她甚至从没听说过DOG。”斯捷潘说。

"What?" said Father. "What dog?"

“什么？”父亲说，“什么狗？”

"Dog," said Stefan. "The zip orchestra. You know."

“D-O-G。”斯捷潘说，“是管弦乐队的缩写，你知道。”

"Very famous group," said Mother. "If you heard them, you'd take the car in for major repairs."

“非常有名的组合。”母亲说，“如果你听过他们，你最好带车去大修理。”

"Oh, that Dog," said Father. "I hardly think that's the education Petra was talking about."

“噢，那个DOG乐队。”父亲说，“我几乎想不起来这也是佩查所说的教育。”

"Actually, it is," said Petra.

“实际上，是的。”佩查说。

"It's like she's from another planet," said Stefan. "Last night I realized she never heard of anybody."

“听起来她像是从外星球来的。”斯捷潘说，“昨晚我发现她几乎谁都不知道。”

"I am from another planet. Or, properly speaking, asteroid."

“我是从另外一个星球来的。或者准确地说，小行星。”

"Of course," said Mother. "You need to join your generation."

“当然。”母亲说，“你需要加入你这一代人中。”

Petra smiled, but inwardly she winced. Her generation? She had no generation, except the few thousand kids who had once been in Battle School, and now were scattered over the surface of the Earth, trying to find out where they belonged in a world at peace.

佩查笑了，但是在思想上她退缩了。她这一代人？她没有这一代人，除了那几千个一样在战斗学校中的孩子，现在他们正散布在地球上，试着找出他们自己在和平世界的位置。

kircheis

After nine years of fierce watchfulness, it would be restful to turn over her life to others, wouldn't it?

在保持了长达九年的高度警觉之后，现在她的生活该转为和他人一样平静了不是吗？

"Your mother wanted to come. But she was afraid to come." He chuckled as if this were amusing. "Do you understand?"

“你的母亲也想来，但是她又害怕。”他笑着说，好像这很有趣，“你明白吗？”

"No," said Petra.

“不。”佩查回答。

"Not afraid of you," said Father. "Of her firstborn daughter she could never be afraid. But the cameras. The politicians. The crowds. She is a woman of the kitchen. Not a woman of the market. Do you understand?"

“不是怕你。”父亲说，“她永远不会害怕她的长女的。她怕的是相机，政治家，人群。她是家庭妇女而非女强人，你明白了吧？”

She understood the Armenian easily enough, if that's what he was asking, because he had caught on, he was speaking in simple language and separating his words a little so she would not get lost in the stream of conversation. She was grateful for this, but also embarrassed that it was so obvious she needed such help.

如果他问的是亚美尼亚语的话，她明白了，因为他理解她所以只用简单的词分割开来表达自己的意思，这样她就不会迷失在词语的洪流之中。她很感激这点，但也很羞愧，因为这太明显的表示着：她需要帮助。

What she did not understand was a fear of crowds that could keep a mother from coming to meet her daughter after nine years.

她所不明白的是，为什么人群恐惧症能够阻止一位母亲与自己分别九年女儿的相见。

Petra knew that it was not the crowds or the cameras that Mother was afraid of. It was Petra herself. The lost five-year-old who would never be five again, who had had her first period with the help of a Fleet nurse, whose mother had never bent over her homework with her, or taught her how to cook. No, wait. She had baked pies with her mother. She had helped roll out the dough. Thinking back, she could see that her mother had not actually let her do anything that mattered. But to Petra it had seemed that she was the one baking. That her mother trusted her.
　　
佩查知道并非人群和相机让母亲害怕，而是佩查自己。曾经失去的五岁女儿永远不会是五岁了，她的青春期是在一名舰队护士的帮助下度过的，她的母亲从未俯身在她的作业上，也不曾教她如何做饭。不，等等，至少她曾经和母亲一起烤派的，她曾经帮忙擀面。这样回忆着，她发现母亲其实没有让她做任何有实质意义的工作，不过对佩查来说她似乎的确是做饭的一员。这就是母亲对她的信任。

That turned her thoughts to the way Ender had coddled her at the end, pretending to trust her as before but actually keeping control.

这让她回想起安德在最后对她的关照，假装像从前那样信任她，但暗中掌握着控制权。

And because that was an unbearable thought, Petra looked out the window of the flivver. "Are we in the part of town where I used to play?"

这个想法让人无法承受，所以佩查望向车窗外了，“我们是在我曾经镇中玩耍的那个地方吗？”

"Not yet," said Father. "But nearly. Maralik is still not such a large town."

“现在没到。”父亲说，“但是很快就到了，马拉里克仍然是个很小的城镇。”

"It all seems new to me," said Petra.

“但对我是新的。”佩查说。

"But it isn't. It never changes. Only the architecture. There are Armenians all over the world, but only because they were forced to leave to save their lives. By nature, Armenians stay at home. The hills are the womb, and we have no desire to be born." He chuckled at his joke.

“它不是新的。它从不改变，除了那些建筑之外。亚美尼亚人遍布世界，但只是因为他们被迫离乡去求生存。我们生来是应该留在家中的，这些群山是我们的发源地，而我们从未期望出生。”他为自己的笑话发笑了。

Had he always chuckled like that? It sounded to Petra less like amusement than like nervousness. Mother was not the only one afraid of her.

他总是喜欢这么笑吗？听在佩查耳中不像娱乐倒像神经过敏。母亲并非唯一一个害怕她的人。

At last the flivver reached home. And here at last she recognized where she was. It was small and shabby compared to what she had remembered, but in truth she had not even thought of the place in many years. It stopped haunting her dreams by the time she was ten. But now, coming home again, it all returned to her, the tears she had shed in those first weeks and months in Ground School, and again when she left Earth and went up to Battle School. This was what she had yearned for, and at last she was here again, she had it back . . . and knew that she no longer needed it, no longer really wanted it. The nervous man in the car beside her was not the tall god who had led her through the streets of Maralik so proudly. And the woman waiting inside the house would not be the goddess from whom came warm food and a cool hand on her forehead when she was sick.

最后车还是到家了，而她也终于意识到了自己在哪儿。这里与她记忆中比较起来又小又破，但是说实话，她已经有许多年没有想起这个地方了，在十岁时这些梦就不再出现。但是现在，重新回到家中，那些梦也回到了她的脑海，那些她在刚到地面学校时候流过的眼泪，还有当她离开地面学校前往战斗学校的时刻。这是她渴望已久的而现在她终于归来了。她得回了一切，但是她知道自己已经不需要了。汽车中那个坐在身边神经质的男人并非那个领着她自豪的穿过马拉里克高高的神，而那个在房中的女人也并非那个在她病中把冰冷的手放在她滚烫的前额上并带来温暖事务的女神。

But she had nowhere else to go.

但是她没有其他地方可去了。

Her mother was standing at the window as Petra emerged from the flivver. Father palmed the scanner to accept the charges. Petra raised a hand and gave a small wave to her mother, a shy smile that quickly grew into a grin. Her mother smiled back and gave her own small wave in reply. Petra took her father's hand and walked with him to the house.

她的母亲正倚窗眺望佩查走出车门，父亲把手放在扫描仪上打开家门。佩查举手向母亲致意，一个小小的害羞的微笑很快变为欢快的笑。她的母亲也微笑着向她挥手回答，佩查拉着父亲的手走入家门。

The door opened as they approached. It was Stefan, her brother. She would not have known him from her memories of a two-year-old, still creased with baby fat. And he, of course, did not know her at all. He beamed the way the children from the school group had beamed at her, thrilled to meet a celebrity but not really aware of her as a person. He was her brother, though, and so she hugged him and he hugged her back. "You're really Petra!" he said.

门在他们接近的时候打开了。是她的弟弟斯捷潘。她无法从记忆中那个两岁的全是婴儿脂肪弄出褶子的小孩中区分出他来，而他当然也不熟悉她。他接近她的方式比较像是在学校组织里会见英雄那样颤抖着，并没有意识到她也是人类。不过他毕竟是她的弟弟，当她拥抱他的时候他也回以拥抱。“真的是你！佩查！”

"You're really Stefan!" she answered. Then she turned to her mother. She was still standing at the window, looking out.

“真的是你！斯捷潘！”她回答道，然后转向母亲。她仍然站在床边眺望着。

"Mother?"

“妈妈？”

The woman turned, tears streaking her cheeks. "I'm so glad to see you, Petra," she said.

　　女人转身回来，脸上挂满泪水，“我真高兴见到你，佩查。”她说。

But she made no move to come to Petra, or even to reach out to her.

但是她没有靠近佩查，甚至没有伸出手。

"But you're still looking for the little girl who left nine years ago," said Petra.

“不过你看起来仍像在寻找那个九年前离开的小女孩。”佩查说。

Mother burst into tears, and now she reached out her arms and Petra strode to her, to be enfolded in her embrace. "You're a woman now," said Mother. "I don't know you, but I love you."

母亲大哭了，现在她伸出了手，佩查冲向她的怀抱，“你现在是成年女子了。”母亲说，“我不熟悉你，但是我爱你。”

"I love you too, Mother," said Petra. And was pleased to realize that it was true.

“我也爱你，妈妈。”佩查回答，而且非常高兴的意识到这是真的。

kircheis

纠正了一个错误。

"I'm not disappointed, Papa." She had to lie in order to reassure him. It was as if he had given her Maralik as a gift, and now was unsure whether she liked it. She didn't know yet whether she would like it or not. She hadn't liked Battle School, but she got used to it. There was no getting used to Eros, but she had endured it. How could she dislike a place like this, with open sky and people wandering wherever they wanted?

“我没有失望，爸爸。”她开始说谎来安慰他。看来似乎是他把Maralik当作礼物送给她，却不确定她是否喜欢。她仍然不知道她是否该喜欢，她不喜欢战斗学校，不过她已经习惯了那里。她不习惯艾洛斯，不过她仍然忍受了下来。而这里则有着开阔的天空，人们也可以自由往来，她怎么会不喜欢？

Yet she was disappointed. For all her memories of Maralik were the memories of a five-year-old, looking up at tall buildings, across wide streets where large vehicles loomed and fled at alarming speeds. Now she was much older, beginning to come into her womanly height, and the cars were smaller, the streets downright narrow, and the buildings -- designed to survive the next earthquake, as the old buildings had not -- were squat. Not ugly -- there was grace in them, given the eclectic styles that were somehow blended here, Turkish and Russian, Spanish and Riviera, and, most incredibly, Japanese -- it was a marvel to see how they were still unified by the choice of colors, the closeness to the street, the almost uniform height as all strained against the legal maximums.

但是她失望了，因为她所有关于Maralik的记忆都是属于五岁小孩的：仰望高高的建筑物，穿过宽广的街道，巨大的交通工具以惊人的速度出现和隐没。但现在她长大了，她有了一个女人的正常身高，汽车看起来也小得多了，街道则是显然的狭窄，而建筑——过去的建筑设计不考虑抗震，而现在的建筑则都为这个原因而建造得矮小了。不过并不难看，它们都很优雅，而且不知何故拥有数种混合风格。例如：土耳其和俄国，西班牙和里维埃拉，而且，最不可置信的还有日本建筑。它们是个用色不统一的奇迹，最靠近街道，还拥有统一的高度和对抗法律的极限。

She knew of all this because she had read about it on Eros as she and the other children sat out the League War. She had seen pictures on the nets. But nothing had prepared her for the fact that she had left here as a five-year-old and now was returning at fourteen.

她知道这一切，毕竟当她在艾洛斯袖手旁观同盟战争的时候已经从书上读过了，而且她也从网络上找到了图片。但是她仍没有准备好面对事实：她离开的时候只是个5岁小孩，而归来时已经14了。

"What?" she said. For Father had spoken and she hadn't understood him.

“什么？”她没听明白父亲说的话。

"I asked if you wanted to stop for a candy before we went home, the way we used to."

“我问你是否愿意在回家前停下来吃点糖果，就像我们习惯的那样。”

Candy. How could she have forgotten the word for candy?

糖？她怎么会忘记了糖是什么意思呢？

Easily, that's how. The only other Armenian in Battle School had been three years ahead of her and graduated to Tactical School so they overlapped only for a few months. She had been seven when she got from Ground School to Battle School, and he was ten, leaving without ever having commanded an army. Was it any wonder that he didn't want to jabber in Armenian to a little kid from home? So in effect she had gone without speaking Armenian for nine years. And the Armenian she had spoken then was a five-year-old's language. It was so hard to speak it now, and harder still to understand it.

无疑这就是原因。战斗学校的另外一个亚美尼亚人早在三年前就毕业去战术学校了，因此他们在几个月的差别间失之交臂。当她从地面学校进入战斗学校时她7岁，那个人10岁，而且甚至没有担任过战队长。他不愿意和从家乡来的小孩说话有什么奇怪？所以结果就是她已经九年没有说起过亚美尼亚了。而她说的亚美尼亚语仍然属于一个五岁的小孩，现在说起来已经太困难了，甚至理解也遇到一些障碍。

How could she tell Father that it would help her greatly if he would speak to her in Fleet Common -- English, in effect? He spoke it, of course -- he and Mother had made a point of speaking English at home when she was little, so she would not be handicapped linguistically if she was taken into Battle School. In fact, as she thought about it, that was part of her problem. How often had Father actually called candy by the Armenian word? Whenever he let her walk with him through town and they stopped for candy, he would make her ask for it in English, and call each piece by its English name. It was absurd, really -- why would she need to know, in Battle School, the English names of Armenian candies?

她如何能告诉父亲，如果他能够跟她讲舰队通用语——例如英语——会很有帮助？他肯定会说的，她当年在家的时候父母非常强调这一点，所以她进入战斗学校才没遇到语言障碍。事实上她考虑过这些了，这也是她问题的一部分。父亲有多经常会用亚美尼亚语说糖果这个词？无论何时，当他带着她步行通过小镇的时候，他们总是停下来吃糖的，他总是让她用英语点单，并且找出每一块糖的英文名字。听起来可笑，但事实上——为什么她需要在战斗学校中知道每一块糖的亚美尼亚名字？

"What are you laughing for?"

“你在笑什么？”

"I seem to have lost my taste for candy while I was in space, Father. Though for old time's sake, I hope you'll have time to walk through town with me again. You won't be as tall as you were the last time."

“我在太空似乎对糖失去了胃口呢，父亲。可是为了老时光，我希望你能再度和我一起步行穿过小镇。哦，你不必跟上次一样高大。”

"No, nor will your hand be as small in mine." He laughed, too. "We've been robbed of years that would be precious now, to have in memory."

“哦，你的手也不必像当年一样小小的放在我手里。”父亲也笑起来了，“我们被剥夺的时光现在在记忆中变得无比珍贵了。”

"Yes," said Petra. "But I was where I needed to be."

“是啊。” 佩查回答，“但是我去了需要我的地方。”

Or was I? I'm the one who broke first. I passed all the tests, until the test that mattered, and there I broke first. Ender comforted me by telling me he relied on me most and pushed me hardest, but he pushed us all and relied upon us all and I'm the one who broke. No one ever spoke of it; perhaps here on Earth not one living soul knew of it. But the others who had fought with her knew it. Until that moment when she fell asleep in the midst of combat, she had been one of the best. After that, though she never broke again, Ender also never trusted her again. The others watched over her, so that if she suddenly stopped commanding her ships, they could step in. She was sure that one of them had been designated, but never asked who. Dink? Bean? Bean, yes -- whether Ender assigned him to do it or not, she knew Bean would be watching, ready to take over. She was not reliable. They did not trust her. She did not trust herself.

我是吗？我是第一个崩溃的。我通过了每一场测验直到最后，而在那时我第一个崩溃了。安德为了安慰我说他最依赖我因此给我压力太大了，但他给了我们所有人压力而且同样依赖每个人，但我是唯一一个崩溃的。没有人提起来，可能在地球上没有一个活人知道这一点，但是曾和她并肩作战的战友们知道。直到她在战斗中昏迷之前她一直是最好的，而那之后，虽然她再也没有崩溃，安德却也再没有信任她。其他人监视着她，以便如果她再度失去对战舰的控制，他们能马上插手。她肯定他们中有人被指定来做这项工作，但是从没问过是谁。丁克？豆子？豆子——对，无论安德是否有指派，她知道豆子会保持警觉随时接管的。她已经不可信了，他们不信任她，她也不信任自己。

Yet she would keep that secret from her family, as she kept it in talking to the prime minister and the press, to the Armenian military and the schoolchildren who had been assembled to meet the great Armenian hero of the Formic War. Armenia needed a hero. She was the only candidate out of this war. They had shown her how the online textbooks already listed her among the ten greatest Armenians of all time. Her picture, her biography, and quotations from Colonel Graff, from Major Anderson, from Mazer Rackham.

但是她仍将对家庭保守秘密，就像她对总理和新闻界发言，对组织起来与虫族战争中英雄会面的亚美尼亚军方及学生保守秘密一样。亚美尼亚需要英雄，而她则是唯一一个参与了战争的人。他们向她展示了在线教科书早已经把她列为十位最伟大的亚美尼亚人之一。她的照片，她的传记，里面还引用了格拉夫上校、安德森少校和马泽·雷汉的评语。

And from Ender Wiggin. "It was Petra who first stood up for me at risk to herself. It was Petra who trained me when no one else would. I owe everything I accomplished to her. And in the final campaign, in battle after battle she was the commander I relied upon."

还有安德·维京的：“是佩查第一个冒着风险支持我，也是她在别人都不愿意做的情况下第一个训练了我。我完成的每一件事都应该归功于她，而在最后一战中，她都是我依赖的支队长。”

Ender could not have known how those words would hurt. No doubt he meant to reassure her that he did rely upon her. But because she knew the truth, his words sounded like pity to her. They sounded like a kindly lie.

安德不知道这样的言辞会伤害她。无疑他是希望告诉她他的依赖以安慰她。但是因为她知道事实，他的言辞听起来就像对她的怜悯，听起来只是个善意的谎言。

And now she was home. Nowhere on Earth was she so much a stranger as here, because she ought to feel at home here, but she could not, for no one knew her here. They knew a bright little girl who was sent off amid tearful good-byes and brave words of love. They knew a hero who returned with the halo of victory around her every word and gesture. But they did not know and would never know the girl who broke under the strain and in the midst of battle simply . . . fell asleep. While her ships were lost, while real men died, she slept because her body could stay awake no more. That girl would remain hidden from all eyes.

现在她在家中了，地球上再也没有一个地方像这里这么陌生，因为她应该有回家的感觉，可是她不能。因为这里没有人了解她。他们所知道的她是一个带着含泪的告别以及勇敢的爱被带走的女孩，他们知道的她是一个胜利的荣光围绕在每一句话和每一个动作中的英雄。但他们不知道——也永远不会知道——她在战争中因为压力昏倒在地板上的样子。虽然她的战舰失去了，虽然真实的人死亡了，她却因为身体支持不住而睡着了。这样的女孩应该在所有人眼中隐藏起来。

And from all eyes would be hidden also the girl who watched every move of the
boys around her, evaluating their abilities, guessing at their intentions, determined to take any advantage she could get, refusing to bow to any of them. Here she was supposed to become a child again -- an older one, but a child nonetheless. A dependent.

应该在所有人眼中隐藏起来的还有那个女孩，她看着周围的男孩评估他们的能力，猜测他们的意图，决心利用自己的一切优势，拒绝屈服于任何一个之前。现在她被假定又变回一个孩子了——稍微大一点，不过仍然是孩子。一个受赡养者。